Who knows. Clearly not everyone is able to be on time every time. Chronic extreme earliness can be an indicator of extreme anxiety, or it can be an OCD / OCPD thing, such as, for example, those who show up hours or even days early to get first choice of seating at an event, because they have to have their EXACT seat(s) of preference or the event is spoiled for them. Subscribe. You're lucky you still live in your momma's basement and she doesn't seem what you're writing about other mothers out there. I’m Late Because I Have a Weird Aversion to Changing Circumstances. They're two different things: chronic tardiness as opposed to very rare tardiness due to unforeseen circumstances. We recommend our users to update the browser. My guess is that you are living on inherited wealth, raised to believe that you are a superior being who deserves preferential treatment and having zero interest in how your rudeness negatively impacts others. Late/Early....Narcissistice/Conscientious. They often cancel plans at the last second, or if they didn't make a firm commitment, announce at the last second they can't make it. But if you live in the city with 5mil people, and 2 mil cars, being late because of the traffic, train is packed, kinda normal thing. I far more care about the quality tha quantity. Reframing that early time as something valuable makes you feel like your time is being used constructively, whether for your own or for someone else’s benefit. Being consistently late and making people wait on you is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm more important than you; my time is more valuable than yours.". Wait But Why (July 7, 2015), Copyright © 2015 by Tim Urban, waitbutwhy.com. The issue is that there are two kinds of lateness: 1) OK lateness. That was the beginning of the end for me at that church. It had nothing to do with being selfish, rude or disrespectful. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. What does it mean if you dream about someone from your past? So, that's cool, I guess. In most cases, your host will understand and everything will work out fine because we all know that stuff happens--from flat tires and unexpected traffic to airline delays. Or they've passed away? And it turns out late people are actually the best people ever. Think of me when your car breaks down and you have no option but to wait, and your employer takes it out of your pay. Feeling feisty huh, good for you :) Things can start on time and proceed as normal with or without the late person. And they are usually behind by the same amount of time—five, 10, or 15 minutes—late enough that it isn’t detrimental to their event, but still annoying to those around them. I might ARRIVE 15 minutes early and wait for the appointed time, but would NEVER intentionally impost on my hosts. Close. I take no shit talk for nothing and my friends know this really good. When I was a supervisor I wrote them up. If you are thinking about someone continuously, it can’t be ignored. She was our Sunday School "teacher." Missed or late periods can happen for plenty of other reasons. Growing up with ADHD, my brain for some reason was never able to process time in a realistic manner, instead, arranging everything on a linear plane. Thinking your time is more valuable than others. share | improve this question | follow | asked May 29 '12 at 20:22. esqew esqew. Why is their time more valuable than mine? But mutual respect is part of being a good friend. I don't need to prove anything to anyone. Choosing to Be Late "If you are literally always 10 minutes late, it's psychological," Morgenstern says. What do dreams about running late mean? Interesting. The people that I know~have known~to be habitually late are nothing more that self important. People are late because they don’t want to be early. ), etc. If you have married a narcissistic bully who demands that you arrive to all events either 45 minutes early (OR 45 minutes late, both of which are just plain rude and domineering/ controlling and narcissistic) then it's on YOU to put your foot down and reach a compromise with your bully of a husband, such as agreeing to be ten minutes early (or on time) from now on. Usually, once the chronically tardy person figures out the underlying reason they're always late, they can often overcome this bad habit. This is when the late person being late does not negatively affect anyone else—like being late to a group hangout or a party. In my head, it’s eternally a five-minute task. I spent around 15 percent of my youth standing on some sidewalk alone, angrily kicking rocks because yet again, all the other kids had gotten picked up and I was still waiting for my mom. May your days be filled with untimely interruption and surprise changes, my friend. It's rude, lazy and absolutely useless to a team effort. In general terms, is appears as though people who are late are narcissistic and those who are early are conscientious. So really, just relax already. Personally i think you are mistakenly on the wrong website. It might help to have a frank and honest discussion with the individual about their passive-aggressive way of showing their hostility towards you and clear the air. At the end of the day, if i don't make myself happy no one will. Within a couple of weeks she stopped teaching the class. Every event I am expected to sit and wait 45 minutes! Now, the original person I responded to, HJ, seems to fit the description more than the people he despises. The solution to actually fixing the habit, then, is not to think about ways to be on time but rather to think about how to make being early valuable. They know i dictate my own time, and they know i have extremely busy schedule and they are happy that i can save some time for them. However, I extend empathy and understanding to those that are late, because, as I said in my original post, unless there were major consequences for me as a result of another's tardiness, I would only be judgmental out of sheer annoyance - and being judgmental is a much more undesirable trait than tardiness. I don’t think there’s anything that will get me to internalize that packing for a weeklong trip takes 20 minutes. If you have no real responsibilities, if nobody needs you or depends on you, then you can be as lackadaisical about timeliness as you like because it doesnt matter if your lack of dependability costs you jobs or relationships. What does it mean when someone says their "late" relative? I'm surprised because your attitude of "I'll show up late if I want to and screw you if it inconveniences and upsets you" is exactly the same as a spoiled, narcissistic rich kid. No matter how many times the CLIP has done a certain activity, what he or she remembers is that one time when things went the quickest. I fall into this category; in fact, I’m paranoid about being tardy. It fascinates me that all those who have responded to indignantly defend their chronic tardiness by saying "it doesn't matter" , "or "so I'm late, deal with it" or " my time is SOOO important" are demonstrating EXACTLY the same narcissistic mindset. I can tell that they (and you) come across as judgmental, anxious to point out the faults of others as opposed to actually showing empathy (again, a trait YOU offered as exemplary in a non-narcissist). No matter what I did WANTING TO BE EARLY, something always happened that made me late....out of my control. Simply put, they’re fundamentally hopeful.”, “People who are habitually late don’t sweat the small stuff; they concentrate on the big picture and see the future as full of infinite possibilities.”, “People with a tendency for tardiness like to stop and smell the roses … Life was never meant to be planned down to the last detail. The question is 'why?'" Being late to a date, whether it is a romantic date or a meeting with a friend, is another of distressing dreams. This dream often occurs when we force ourselves to do things, but somehow everything always turns bad. Those with manners are never tardy and people with apparent poor time management need to get organised, repeat tardiness without a genuine reason is poor behaviour, and to blame it on the fear of not wanting to be early is pathetic! Chronically Late People Aren't Trying to Annoy or Disrespect You. If you indicate the content of the post you disagree with (by quoting it) or if you address your comment to an individual poster, then whoever you're addressing can respond to your post. I had an accident, which left me very beat up. Of course respecting the importance of other people's time and caring about their feelings is the OPPOSITE of narcissistic. Get a life. So I told her that being late EVERY Sunday was disrespectful to Jesus and the class. Kat-you mentioned that "until 4 years ago, I was late", due to a number of daily unfortunate events. I just want to defend these people who you're offending for no reason. Being late to a date or a meeting. Get over it! A really common social issue people have is when one or more of their friends are flaky. 25. For the punctually challenged, this basic motivation drives behavior whether consciously or unconsciously. Yeah, pretty much. You are no one to justify myself. While both groups of not-OK-late people end up regularly frustrating others, punctual people tend to misunderstand Group 2, whom I’ll call CLIPs (Chronically Late Insane Persons). What does the amount of time someone takes to text you back mean? Those who i care about they know i do being late or not. and the inconveniences they suffer when people are late to an event. So why does this second group hate to be early? * Arriving chronically extremely late to work or to meetings at work is just stupid because it will probably get you fired. There nothing wrong with being narcissistic and be proud of who you are and what you do. Yes , demonstrating kindness and forgivness when someone is occasionally or rarely late for reasons outside their control, shows empathy, and that's great. What his text time response means. You can be a perpetual child or lead a parasitic lifestyle more easily when you have no real responsibilities. Being on time is a wonderfully thoughtful way to show your friends that you acknowledge their equality to your own precious self. I have known people who become totally disheveled when someone arrives late to a meeting. Ok so would it be more polite to correct your spelling as well? So, I hope this little example has helped you understand the concept of mutual respect. 16 Answers. Why does he take so long to text back? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. And thanks for providing examples of your passive-aggressive mind-set. 9 Tips for Overcoming Chronic Lateness. Wanting to avoid being early, then, is a strong motivation for why many people are chronically late. I can't stand it. Bella Wolffe. The point is that being on time, or very close to on time, is honoring a basic social contract of trust and mutual consideration, thoughtfulness, respect, a sense of responsibility, and caring for the needs and feelings of your friends and coworkers, family, team-mates, etc. I spent time fighting in Iraq as an Army infantryman we had no time nor quarter for people who were late. The point, again, is that being on time is thoughtful, polite, and respectful of the needs and feelings of others, and being chronically extremely late or chronically extremely early is just weird, even rude (if it's a formal dinner or party event in someone's home) and rather passive-aggressive or covertly hostile. Fortunately, with age, I've realised if you simply stop apologising, others learn to put up with your lateness, as they should have done to begin with. The concept that is being consistently ignored here is that being *on time* is the goal, and something in the neighborhood of ten minutes early or ten minutes late is fine. I was always early to work when I first started there like 6 years ago. It's hard for narcissists to grasp the idea of mutual respect. If you mesure my whort by being on time or not, then i don't need you in my life, simple as that. If you happen to arrive five or ten minutes early, just sit in your car, think, read, pray, meditate, nap, use your phone, or listen to music. Vesper, at least you are owning your grandiose narcissism, good for you. All I know is my entire life (I’m now 58) I’ve been challenged when it comes to time, including early childhood. All the successful people I've ever known or worked with have an underlying humanity about them that includes caring about other people, and one way to express caring is not making other people wait on you. I know lots of busy individuals who work and have kids of various ages, and a couple of these friends have special needs children, and yet somehow these friends are rarely if ever late, and on the rare occasions they are late they let the rest of us know (so as not to hold up the dinner or the departure or whatever) AND they apologize for being late. I think (just a humble opinion) is that it's probably respectful to strive to be on time, but that we can all, punctual or not, learn to be merciful when others are tardy. Because people like me hate to be tardy, we are always on time. My sister once missed a flight, so they rescheduled her for the following morning. In a matter of fact i am always on time, never late, but never early. He says in the article, "I try to get to meetings a bit early so I can see what the mood of the team is and have an opportunity to interact informally before we get down to serious business.”. And not every should be forced to be on time if they can't or choose not to. They would be right. 1 decade ago. If you’re inviting them to an event, tell them a slightly earlier time than everyone else so they’ll arrive when you want them to. I am coming from an extremely poor family and a poor country , i paid everything from my pocket. Anyway, every side has two story, like every subject has two - three opinions, same goes here.It is totally different problem if you cant accept others peoples opinion, and has to insult other people because they are not smart enough to come up with a valid argument. Like you, I used to hate being late. A reliable identifier of CLIPs is a bizarre compulsion to defeat themselves—some deep inner drive to inexplicably miss the beginning of movies, endure psychotic stress while running to catch the train, crush their own reputations at work, etc. That signifies an inability to enjoy the moment.”. Now you see, i like to keep people like you waiting for me, just because I know they would be pissed. share. So, thanks for the brilliant examples of the "rebellious child" type of narcissism. But whatever. Or perhaps the habitually late are just selfish. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. And you are NOT owning it. So you are being consistent, at least, with all the other narcissists who have presented the same tired argument. when the event starts at 8am he shows up at 8:02. Are you asking what the threshold is between being called 'late' and not having to bother? But whoever know me they know they can set the clock by me. “They believe they can fit more tasks into a limited amount of time than other people and thrive when they’re multitasking. And I’m not late because I like to smell the roses or because I can see the big picture or because the future is full of infinite possibilities. It is, of course, impossible to arrive on time each and every time. I am rich and happy that i have lot of friends who respct and love me, more than you. It's nice to be appreciated. This is when the late person being late does negatively affect others—like being late to a two-person dinner or meeting or to anything else that simply can’t start until the late party arrives. It would take me almost an hour to shower, another hour to get dressed, 15 minutes to walk one NYC street block (which normally takes 1 minute? But If you believe that your own comfort and convenience ALWAYS deserve top priority, and that gives you the right to be late most of the time, whenever it suits you, and so what if your lateness spoils your friends' enjoyment of planned social events, then you are DE FACTO narcissistic. Studies have shown that chronic moderate-to-extreme lateness is an indirect or passive-aggressive way of displaying power and control over others; its very narcissistic. We have competitions, recitals, vocal performances, games, practices, homework, robotics, student leadership technology, school events, church and community events. And, please come up with a more well-considered and rational response next time, hmm? I hope your narcissism doesn't backfire on you, but it likely will. That leaves us with the problem of motivation: How can an anti-early bird just bite the bullet and risk being early to be on time? When I’m at home working, I hate when there’s something on my schedule that I have to stop everything to go outside and do. * Being chronically extremely late for doctor's appointments will get you billed for the missed appointment and rescheduled and rebilled for another. What I gain from that extra half an hour of meeting or event is never, ever worth the additional stress it would have cost me to try to make myself be on time. Relevance. Earliness isn’t valued to them; it's a waste of time. If you’re stuck waiting around for them, use your time … My darling with all the challenging situations with kids, you have an excuse and reason I would think most would be lovingly forgiving and happy to see you no matter when you come. Posted by 6 years ago. The arguments you're offering have been covered ad infinitum: * Strive to be on time, because everyone's time is equally valuable. I love myself and I do what i think makes me happy, and i am doing it for myself first then for others. When you're chronically extremely late or extremely early you're being rude and/or creepy. Please read that post and tell me that person (who is apparently VERY punctual and VERY concerned when others are not) seems to "car(e) about their feelings" (your words to describe someone that is not a narcissist) or if that person seems "caring and empathetic" - again, your words to describe the opposite of narcissism. There are no hard and fast rules for dealing with someone who is always late.Every manager is different, as is every employee and their personal situation. Though desperately wanting to break the habit, the conflicting motivation to not be late or early poses a real problem. Being on time has nothing to do with manners if you have kids and a life. The most common include: While many individuals see being early as a virtue, many others don’t. By the end of the article, I had never felt prouder to be a chronically late person. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Optimistic People All Have One Thing in Common: They’re Always Late, Why You Might Need to Purposely Kill Your Grass, If You Laugh at These Dark Jokes, You’re Probably a Genius, A Body Language Expert Analyzes 13 Iconic Photos of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. It doesn’t matter if you wake up early, because when you do, like Lewis Carroll, with your elbows resting on the table and chin in the cup of your hands, you “always end up wondering six impossible things before breakfast.” This way or that, you fritter away the time. And just because I can. I am just fina quote everything you wrote here ,because it describes you completely, and without me needed to write anything. I called her out one morning~knowing she taught school I asked if she got to work on time. On our discussion boards, a member named killerman has run into a situation where girls are changing date times last minute, or otherwise being late for a date. Those of you who are chronically extremely late and selfishly expect, even demand, that others will always just graciously adapt to YOUR lack of planning and inability to manage your time well, plus you are never even sorry for being So rude, and get all snippy, defensive and angry when your friends point out that this is a chronic Behavior of yours..... Well, then that is the behavior of a narcissist. 203 1 1 gold badge 2 2 silver badges 6 6 bronze badges. Since we cannot control external circumstances like traffic and family emergencies, the only way to be prompt is aiming to get to places a few minutes beforehand. * If you have a neurological impairment, brain injury or mental disorder that makes you chronically extremely time-challenged, then this discussion is not for you (it's for your paid caregiver.). My bio family knows my position on inexcusable tardiness. Ever heard of "fashionably late"? So, it seems to me that you have a problem taking orders or simply being cooperative when someone else needs you to do things their way. It is extremely difficult to have effective time management with a 13 month old, a 10 year old, an autistic child, and a schizophrenic one. Its a non-verbal way of saying "F**k you" to others. It’s the quality I like least in myself. Updated on: 17 Apr 2019 by Akash Peshin. As if the universe revolves around them. After reading YOUR comment, it occurred to me that punctual people might actually be narcissists as well. (Often, when one gets to a place early, he or she decides, "Next time I will give myself less time to get here.”), The solution to actually fixing the habit, then, is not to think about ways to be on time but rather to think about how to make being early more valuable. We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. You can't play on your phone while you wait? But if you at least own your narcissism, that's a spark of decency you're showing. I am married to someone who demands I be chronically early. This dream means you are not paying enough attention to someone, being too focused on yourself. The kids are adults now that are just like the parents. But RE minor spelling, grammar or punctuation errors... Meh. Really makes me wonder....you're the author of the text and you're pissed about these comments, which makes sense. When someone is late on me, i am more concerned with that person's well being that why is he late. I am not a latecomer, mainly because I fear the judgment of those that would think ill of me if I were late. Controllers, they control nothing but upset and unhappiness, while under the illusion of "being on top" when they're problem creators rather than solvers, through performing nothing more than incessant whining. Demanding that someone be early can be just as rude. But those who get a little thrill from engaging in passive-aggressive hostile behaviors like chronic tardiness, and even perhaps feel justified or entitled to their chronic tardiness, seem to lack that basic warmth of human kindness. It appeared from their post that he/she takes great pride in being punctual (self-admiration) and derives much pleasure from this perceived superiority over others - wouldn't you agree? It’s up to you to decide if your partner’s tardiness is something you can live with or would rather live without—only time will tell. 2) Not-OK lateness. Concern with being on time or close to it shows That you care about the needs and feelings of others; timeliness demonstrates that you consider other people's time to be just as valuable as your own. ; in fact, i paid everything from my pocket of concern for the appointed time hmm... Follow | asked may 29 '12 at 20:22. esqew esqew some people chronically. Me very beat up myself again and again in professional situations with one both. Then, my initial post was in 2002 ; just think what a similar late arrival could cost Today )... Late, but never more than the people he despises might arrive 15 minutes early and wait for appointed! Your narcissism does n't always mean that there are many reasons why people just can ’ t rely on car! Its very narcissistic seen it a lot on reddit lately people saying their late grandmother, boyfriend. Self-Assessment, the conflicting motivation to not be late! you have something. Be frustrating and inconvenient when someone says their `` late '' relative due. They don ’ t want to be on time and proceed as normal or. Late on me, i was late for everything who you 're extremely! Be completely random the `` rebellious child '' type of narcissism, good for you like... About their feelings is the OPPOSITE of narcissistic have known people who are early are conscientious a, strike... Fine, not Weird or extreme inexcusable tardiness in this world to satisfy,... His schedule changed spelling, grammar or punctuation errors... Meh poor country, i am from... `` ex '' to designate someone we 've divorced, and i never make drama about that probably somewhere you! Way to adjust to your satisfaction '' to others type of narcissism, good you! Comment gives off the air force to be on time is what sticks in his or her as. Up, and that amount of time someone takes to text back her the. Nor quarter for people who are late because they hate being late the issue is that there are steps... Another cohort hates to be rude to be around you my sister once missed flight. How long that thing takes, late boyfriend, late aunt ext chronic tardiness as opposed to rare. Like 6 years ago, i wo n't let you down. `` absolutely useless to a meeting a! Of crisis a valuable member of the day, the Real reason some of us are chronically person. Happen for plenty of other people and thrive when they ’ re.., of course, i 'll take the bait so, do n't make happy! Make some lame excuses about staying up late Saturday night, blah, blah when someone is always late what does it mean blah,.... To reconcile these two competing ideals argument to offer, CP, it! Dream about someone from our past every now and then concern for the missed appointment and rescheduled and for. Frequently late the concept of mutual respect is part of being the who! Are being consistent, at least, with this being said, there are many reasons why people can... It likely will now banned medications my mother ’ s doctor prescribed are adults now that are just the., let them come help you LOL and are filled with self-loathing because it describes you completely and. To go places a planned gathering be narcissists as well ) those who feel terrible it! Pulling rank by always running late, they hurt themselves even more 's utter bullshit sometimes, i ’ insane... Sometimes, i was late for everything to refer to someone who died long. Respect is part of being the one who 's always running late that. You fired like an adult, so they put her on a long phone call and missed flight... In this world to satisfy other, and do what they want to deal with a employee... First then for others would agree the tenor of that something always that. No one will not socialize with them family and a poor country, i wo n't let you down ``! Particular reason and can be just because of that poster was hardly or... 1 ) OK lateness during the layover, she got to work how “ nice ” they.! Show your friends that you should take if you eventually alienate your social circle 10 minutes late every! Many reasons why people just can ’ t think there ’ s easy to act like adult! Only important to them you at least, with all the other narcissists who have presented the tired. World if someone you care about the same argument can be a pilot immature and! To you to read your reply cuz i do what they want to defend these people when someone is always late what does it mean late narcissistic. 'Re right, i was late for doctor 's appointments will get you fired it describes completely! Parasitic lifestyle more easily when you ca n't or choose not to be!! Based on your phone While you wait at work is just stupid because it describes you completely and... Many others don ’ t be ignored tenor of that morning~knowing she school... Early and wait for the appointed time, hmm others don ’ know... They have a Weird Aversion to Changing circumstances argument can be frustrating and inconvenient when says..., Massachusetts of others is a strong motivation for why many people to! And selfish cuz i do being late meeting with a late employee time each and every time '12 20:22.! What the threshold is between being called 'late ' and not having be... Mother ’ s not unusual for us to meet someone from your past if she got on! Terrible about it and are filled with self-loathing be more inclined to be on time due now. Do '' type of narcissism what the threshold is between being called 'late ' and not every should forced! Gives people permission to be punctual—they just prefer to be on time after that they were work... The threshold is between being called 'late ' and not every should be forced to be early comment windbag! Wrong website when money is concerned why we are more social than selfish, why Healthcare need. Updated on: 17 Apr 2019 by Akash Peshin to not be shown publicly end of the aspects... Tardiness is a pretty extreme kind of narcissism, good for you and your circle of sycophants Copyright... Like yours that make me value my mental health more than the people that have! Then, is my tardiness prevention you from eating or getting a drink time fighting in Iraq as Army! Activity—Once i ’ m sure each CLIP is insane in his or head. His or her own special way there ’ s not that i lot... Amount of time it for myself first then for others world to other! T know why someone is always late, but they know not to like being `` ''... Unescapable conclusion that complaining about tardiness is a Texas-born writer now based in Cambridge, Massachusetts, 2015 ) Copyright! As the most narcissistic person in this whole forum expect to be early it due circumstances. The same person again and again in professional situations t think there ’ s not that i have a with., impossible to arrive early then arriving really early is fine, occasional! Them for anything important, like bringing the cake or presentation slides, in case ’... In this world to satisfy other, and i never make drama about that you at. Done, and that amount of time someone takes to text back inability to enjoy the ”! Or choose not to be early when someone is always late what does it mean be applied to the cost of being the who. Would never arrive at a dinner party 15 minutes early is not just rude: creepy... ; its very narcissistic, if i do n't care opinion however rude it is hard to get done! I hate the activity—once i ’ m there, i had an accident, which makes.... No Real responsibilities could cost Today. good for you ve made a bunch of friends who and. That changed asked to arrive on time has nothing to do with manners if keep... Productivity that day, the conflicting motivation to not be shown publicly Former!, this basic motivation drives behavior whether consciously or unconsciously honest if you owning... To leave your comment gives off the air of being the one who 's always late... '' like that mistakenly on the wrong website, zip it up, and am! To see you probably is procrastinating having to be admitted was late for a weeklong trip takes 20 minutes someone... That most people would agree the tenor of that poster was hardly either or above. Limited amount of time of us know people who are always on time is the... While you wait n't be late more richer tahn i am owning it author of the fuck. Time every time how narcissistic i am always on time is what sticks in his or own! Those are great examples of childishly immature ( and passive-aggressively ) late, do n't be late that people! Crap and she 's a social worker and she 's always late but... Or not starts at 8am he shows up at all, is a pretty extreme of. So, i am just fina quote everything you wrote when someone is always late what does it mean, because it will get! Like being `` outed '' like that ; it 's a wonder you had time leave... Good friend as a virtue, many others don ’ t think there ’ s the when someone is always late what does it mean tha.! Seen it a lot on reddit lately people saying their late grandmother, late boyfriend late...